Hippocampus and amygdala Part 2,( another situation)

Hippocampus and amygdala as I mentioned before are the special areas of our brains, the core of our wired in instincts, survival mechinisims, hunger, drives, fear and security issues can be connected to this area. This is the place where they suspect the person with the panic attacks is getting their impulse and illogical fear from, and yet today its more about hunger and fear today.

I tried to look up this issue, this connection with the primal drives that some people have, and I seem to be for some reason wired up to have the impulse for discomfort and panic linked together with my hunger- and this being the seat of these two, the amygdala.

I learned something new while studying about how I was to break my fast properly on a site about fasting, and various types and aspects of fasting, but also read allot of different things from different writters on the site describing some of their personal experiences. One writer was a man who was extremely overweight who took up the fast in order to change his eating habbits, this man's story was very interesting, and in the end of something he had a list of things which were symptoms of problematic relationship to food.

It was the very first time I had seen these various questions, especially concerning how I feel when I am hungry. In the situation of the fast I do not really panic because I kind of know mentally, this is under control, I can relax about this. But I had never really thought so deeply about that panic and discomfort I get when I am in any kind of situation and I am extremely hungry. It does seem to change my entire mood too.

So I tried to look up this word phrase and that was "hunger causing fear or panic" something along that line, and then I was lead to other sites where anorexics talk of FEAR of HUNGER, it was wrong, totally wrong, as I do not fear my hunger and gladly feed it, but its that anxiety I feel, because I am affected by my hunger, the panic is not about fear of hunger, but rather hunger provoking fear and panic.. but it feels entirely physical. Its as if the body almost screams, "If you don't feed me, I am going faint" Its like blackmailing me..

Now maybe its not exactly purely a lack of fear of hunger either, as I contimplate my anxiety concerning hunger, perhaps it is more of something maybe I am denying. But with the fasting, after the fact, the hunger is not in command, its almost freeing me in this way, as though I don't have to be attached to the kitchen, and yet the irony is I am still spending most of my time in the kichen making food... either later, or for other people.

So perhaps I want to deny hunger's power over me? Perhaps so or perhaps not.. its really I think a physical connection that everyone must have, as we all need to eat to live and we can not have a relationship to life without any kind of food, could we? And if we did, would we be as human as we are when we are sitting at the table or sharing a meal with loved ones, families and or friends. We share and food is a social thing, not just a survival thing, its the pleasing aspects of together.

I would find it nice if everyone didn't insist upon eating meals I serve in completely different rooms of the house.. it just doesn't feel right and makes me even more edgey about the whole family, food and eating process. And yet now we end up focusing on "togetherness" in restaruants so as we all eat together and I am supposedly not the one person left out serving food to others.. right? And yet here I am, running about, trying to create nice meals and hoping every time to share it with my family... but the same thing happens every day.

A wise person knows that it is foolish to expect a new result from the same actions.. and here I am, waiting for that moment that they would all sit down here in the kitchen and eat together! Its breaking my heart sometimes..

And then there is this, my fasting, well I'm not eating so I can withdraw from your company which you don't seem to be interested in giving me anyway at times when it comes to food. Ah but never mind.. we will have to figure something out, won't we. Its just that I have become much more emotionally sensitive to the issue now. No big deal.

I would like to have, not only for myself but my family members, a healthy relationship towards food... even if my situation is extremely minor because it doesn't have more than two entire issues for the case of "compulsive eating" or some kind of emotional problem agravated by eating. And yet, the strength of the fear and discomfort is very much this thing that feels as though it has a hold on me.. and yet I do not enjoy grabbing junk food... and do avoid it, I hate potato chips and I almost loathe popcorn when I really used to love it so much..

I do have a profound weakness for knäckebröd, and this and broccoli are the things I imagine eating when I start feeling a bit hungry.. then there are those lovely sallads, you know, the kind like at the sushi restaruants, with the miso dressing.. *drool*
Then there is the fantastic Korean sallad, with rice, with all those various marinaded vegetables and sprouts, and kimchi.. if there was anything I could say I wanted so much in the entire world right at this moment for food it would be one of those sallads and a brilliant starter of Nori Maki... drinking green tea all night.

Then there are some other things I can think of such as chilli lime tofu sallad (from a Thai restaurant).. or even some other vegan cusine that is more like traditional French Crepes..filled with things like spinach, mushroom and tofu!

I love soups though too.. and since I live in the land of the kanterell, I have to say I love mushooms like kanterelles and shitake mixed together.. I have never thought that the two mushrooms could mix with anything other than something plain, but it seems the two aromatic mushrooms like shitake and kanterell are probably the best two to ever put together.

Must sleep, school tommorow, but not for me.