to a friend.. to other friends and relations

I possibly met you, once, waiting for a bus, which is typical for me to do.. since it seems like I have been taking the bus forever.

Since you were the only cool looking person, you could see that it was easy to talk to you for me even if I was wearing my clothes from work and you thought I looked like a secretary at the young age of 17- which I later got a job as several months later that year.

Odd thing is, for all that you say is wrong with you, for all that people had always said behind your back what was wrong with you, they never really got a full picture of the wrongs which I was made of, in that contrast and all the correct things that made up your character and nature.

I think of you now, so willing to keep in touch with everyone, and think of myself, so afraid to even call my mother and friends who accept me for who I am, just because I was rejected by one person.. one kind of important person as well.. and she has full reason to reject me.

Now when I must focus much on trying my hand at daily tasks and attempts to be successful in an "artistic" way, I always look back to bloggs of people and wonder how they saw our meeting, or if they recall what they said maybe a few years after first meeting me and being my friend.

I am really not so worried that people will not see the same person, but what I am worried about is that I as I am will not see the treasure of their qualities, because I just blind myself with how I express..

I am different but I feel the same... people often shower me with phrase, or curse.. and I get a dose of insecurity everymorning with my breakfast... how wonderful for me to live so restlessly.. no wonder if I have a moment of peace how I run and hide!

And how when I am feeling satisfied, I tend to stay with that until someone complains about what I'm doing.. but things I realize, have a natural course, a life span and I must seek out that end.. and yet not try to being it to life when it's death is inevidable, in letting go of things, neither too early nor too late, we allow things to run the natural course, I assume, but this is a recent feeling, just now.

Like for example a fashion season, or the newness of the next release..book, album, film, they have expiration dates.. however society would like us to believe that everything is like that.. for example someone's tallent as a musician, singer, writer, or actor (mostly actresses) or even mother.. as if there was a "best before" date on all aspects of life and especially of the creative.. when it is only biology or accident which puts down a great sport hero.. unless they believe in that inevidable "past due" date which always seems to lead everyone into self destruction.

No one is immune.. best not try to hide from it, but fight it quietly.. but its the same old fight, just different names.