The problem with anything addictive...

The problem with anything addictive (and I do mean anything) is that one can easily lose track of where you belong in life.. when you realize, even with a friendship or relationship, how you will forget everything but that one thing, person, what ever.. you have to understand its a sickness.

Me with work, my painting.. then losing myself within for hours may seem harmless enough, but I have to "rotate" it all.. otherwise lose track of my life, not only to mention those close to me... but then I sometimes rotate to something else; yet another "addiction", so I stop before I can't stop... weird, I know.

Lets take in account an EX of mine, way back. Yes I realised he dressed himself up to be the "perfect" companion for me based upon what other people thought of me.. I suppose he also liked the attention I got and how other guys would say "how lucky you are..."

I realised though, it was the image of me and not me that he wanted, and I mean, not that I'm "all that", but rather my ease in the world, moving from talking to the man sleeping in the stairwell ( the guy who feeds all the stray cats) to talking to the political representitive for the area...

I realised that when he chose porn rather than actual SEX, with a real live warm bodied person... and then defened his choice with "men are wired DIFFERENTLY" and thus thought it was a "woman thing", but I didn't assume his situation was a definably MAN thing but rather an addiction, a place I was not allowed to look into or bring any light to. To make it worse he told me of his illegal sadistic porn, (hey those were real people being HARMED!!!) he explained that some fantacies were not to ever be shared, what he may have been saying, was "it wasn't to be shared with YOU"..

I understand that men on their own may find value of all kinds in the sexual release of porn but then you lose creativity by letting other people direct and star in your prefab fantacies.. come on now.. lets be creative and spontanious, take the porn and throw it out when you get that woman who is there and actually WILLING to "do it" (all the time!) with you.